I love my master  Thus I perfume myself with  This long-rotten squirrel.    I lie belly-up  In the sunshine, happier than  You ever will be.    Today I sniffed  Many dog butts-I celebrate  By kissing your face.    I sound the alarm!  Paperboy-come to kill us all-  Look!  Look!  Look!  Look!   Look!    I sound the alarm!  Mailman Fiend-come to kill us all-  Look!  Look!  Look!  Look!  Look!    I sound the alarm!  Meter reader-come to kill all-  Look!  Look!  Look!  Look!  Look!    I sound the alarm!  Garbage man-come to kill us all-  Look!  Look!  Look!  Look!  Look!    I sound the alarm!  Neighbor's cat-come to kill us all!  Look!   Look!  Look!  Look!  Look!    I lift my leg and  Wiz on each bush.  Hello, Spot -  Sniff this and  weep.    How do I love thee?  The ways are numberless as  My hairs on the rug.    My human is home!  I am so ecstatic I have  Made a puddle.    I hate my choke chain -  Look, world, they strangle me!  Ack  Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!    Sleeping here, my chin  On your foot - no greater bliss - well,  Maybe catching cats.    Look in my eyes and  Deny it.  No human could  Love you as much I do.    The cat is not all  Bad - she fills the litter box  With Tootsie Rolls.    Dig under fence-why?  Because it's there.  Because it's  There.  Because it's there.    I am your best friend,  Now, always, and especially  When you are eating.    You may call them fleas,  But they are far more -I call  Them a vocation.    My owners' mood is  Romantic-I lie near their  Feet.  I fart a big one.